Meet Rudolph

Before we get started...Tell me why
Ain't nothin' but a heartache

Tell me why!
Ain't nothing but a mistake

Tell me why!!
I never wanna hear you say

I want it that way!

That song was jammed in my head and now yours. You're either psyched about it our you're not, honestly I don't care because you should have realized by now that the Backstreet Boys are back and I am not going to let it go to save a starving baby from a life in the tundra (yea I know about biomes).

Rudolph is a bad person (IMO). I can’t tell if he’s trolling me or actually believes the convoluted babble that he spills out. Imagine living with Buddy the Elf if he was a little dummer, drank more and chewed up your furniture like a sick cat.

So by now you're probably like "Wasn't this a Christmas Special?" and "Why is he posting this in August?" and "Am I your fire?". Grow up and get used to it, I know I had too. I woke up yesterday to find 2 1/2 feet of snow on the ground, a Christmas tree in my living room and a neighborhood covered in holiday decorations I had never seen before. For a moment I thought to myself "Ah Christmas Morning" and went to pour some nog, get wasted and blast 'Santa Tell Me' by Ariana Grande when I realized it was in fact not Christmas...I had known right then and there who was responsible.

You might be thinking "Aww that's a harmless prank" (I thought the same thing at first) but you would be wrong and probably don't have children.

I was only 7am when I had a mob of angry parents at my door step all furious that they and their Children woke up to a surprise Christmas morning without any gifts. "How did they find out it was your Cronic?" You might ask. Simply put Rudolph decided to leave a voicemail at every home explaining how it way my idea, took out an add in the local paper about "my idea" and wrote in spray paint on the side of my house "Haha this was my idea, I hope your kids are sad".

There was no talking my way out of this even if I had OJ’s team of lawyers. Ended up shilling out over 6 grand to buy presents for every child in the whole neighborhood and had to give the little brat who likes to excrete himself on the side of my house everyday my watch because his father (one of OJs lawyers) demanded it was the only payment that fit my crime — the guys a total loser and his wife is cheating on him with Tim down the street which gave me some solace.

After then commotion had died down I went and found Rudolph, he was throwing rocks at trains with Elle (another one of my Cronics for another time). I dragged him home and made him eat a whole bag of coal — he hated it and it made me feel good. Merry Christmas.

Until next time

I never want to hear you say
I want it that way
'Cause I want it that way
Easy Steve
Easy Steve

ICPMN Ambassador, Co-Founder of Motoko School and part of the Cronics Team. Documenting the Cronic Chronicles, 100% true stories about the antics of my Cronic Critters!

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